Cave
by Ilyik
Summary: ABCs of Writing. Part of it set before Crait battle in TROS, the rest continued after Crait. Spoilers if you haven't seen TROS. Rey cuts off communications to Ben through their bond, refusing to answer his repeated calls to her. So, he takes things into his own hands and ends up stranded on Ahch-To, forced to deal with the feelings they both have been suppressing for so long.
1. Cave

**A/N: ABCs of Writing prompt, third installment! Based off of a Reylo comic I read a little while ago. Not sure if this is going to be a one, two or three shot lol We will find out! R&R!**

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**CAVE**

_Chapter 1: Cave_

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Rain. Why did it have to rain? She sighed in annoyance as she looked out from the village she stayed in with Skywalker at one point. But he was long gone now. He'd given his life so everyone could escape in time. She was alone. She'd crashed a ship and watched it burn. She'd wanted to throw her saber into the fire, too, but Luke had saved it and lectured her. That all seemed so long ago now. Now, as she stood in the village, the rain falling mercilessly around her, she stared out over the water. She knew she had a connection with Ben Solo. She felt him tugging at their bond from time to time, as if testing to see if she were all right. She'd pushed him out, and she could sense his aggravation and... hurt? She felt him tugging again. She closed her eyes and frowned as she tried to get a feel for why he was so concerned for her. Why was he reaching out to her so much? She followed the line as far as the barrier would let her without letting him in and she saw the jagged pieces that marred their connection, cuing her in that there was concern and unrest on his side.

She opened her eyes as she stared out over the water. She knew Ben was aware of this island. The small island on Ahch-To. She was so determined to be here alone. To die here. To cut off all communications with everyone, as much as it pained her. She was used to being alone anyway. It wouldn't do the others any good to be with her anyway. She was Palpatine's granddaughter. The scourge of the galaxy. The insidious ruler of the dark side. The Sith Lord, bent on destroying everything everyone knew. She was his offspring. The thought made her ill. To know that her grandfather was _the_ Darth Sidious. It made her violently ill. She didn't want to speak to Ben. Nor Rose. Nor Finn. Or Leia. No one. She wanted them all to leave her alone. The less they dealt with her, the longer they would live. She knew now what needed to happen, but she didn't want to do it. She wanted the Resistance to deal with Palpatine. She wanted Leia to figure it out. She didn't want to deal with it. She'd wondered for so long who her family was. And now she had her answer.

She was better off being a nobody from Jakku.

Thunder clapped in the distance, and it seemed to be raining fire. She frowned as she watched the fireball head her way. Really fast. Her eyes widened as the force bond lit up in her mind, her name echoing through the bond in a frenzied yell. "Ben..." she whispered both out loud and in the bond they shared. She watched as the TIE he commanded flew over to her and landed on the jagged mountainside. She looked off in the direction he landed and knew he wasn't far. She pressed her lips together in a thin line. Why was he here? What did he want? Why did she feel... relieved... that he was here? She frowned as she grabbed her saber from her hip and lit it, rushing to his ship. Her mind was racing with all sorts of thoughts. Was he here to kill her? Capture her? Hurt her? Taunt her? She growled as she made it to his ship and glared up at it. "Ben!" she hissed as she stood with her saber alive and ready to tear into him.

He descended his ramp and walked out into the rain, his own saber at his side, but not ignited. Rain quickly soaked into his hair, clothes, face... His brows were drawn together in an unreadable expression. Was that anger? Concern? She tried to get a feel for the bond, but it was locked away from her. He approached her as she took a defensive stance. He stayed where he was, saber still off as he glared at her from a distance. He had to have been a few paces away from her. If she wanted to, she could thrust her saber forward and stab right through him without any trouble. But she hesitated. She saw something in his eyes that made her stop. Felt something trickle through the bond that made her question why she was so defensive. Her stance slacked a bit as she slowly lowered her saber and put it away. "Why are you here?" she yelled over the pouring rain.

Ben remained silent. She wondered if he had heard her even. He just stared. As if his mind were uneasy. And then, without warning, he collapsed, eyes drifting shut as his face hit the ground beneath him. Her eyes widened as she ran to him without a second thought. "Ben!" she called as she made it to his side. She looked around as the rain got heavier and heavier as the moments went on. She saw his ship start to slide off the rocky terrain and into the depths below. Her eyes widened as she reached out with the force to try to stop it. She paused it for a moment, draining her mentally. It was too heavy. She feared that if she continued, she would make it explode. She felt the ship slipping from her pull and she let go with a cry, the ship falling down into the watery depths below the jagged mountain it landed on. She half wondered why he had the mind to land it there and not in a flat spot. Then her thoughts returned to the man laying there unconscious. She looked around frantically. There was a cave nearby. There was no way she could carry him back to the hut she was staying in. He was far too heavy for that. She was strong, but she knew her limitations. Without his help, it would be a task to drag him to the cave.

She sighed as she stood and dragged him by his large hands, pulling with the Force as well. Anything she could do to ease the burden of his dead weight. She slipped several times, falling to the ground and skinning her knee, bruising her face on the rocks. Her will power was strong enough to make her keep getting up. She wondered why she was so eager to help him. She frowned as she made it to the cave. He was so dirty and wet. As was she. She sighed quietly. Once she had pulled him all the way in, she shed her wet cowl and set to work at helping him shed his. Of course, it would have been easy...

If he hadn't been stirring in the process. His eyes fluttered open as he looked up at her sliding his shirt off of him. His face lit up with a violent red as he sat up quickly and looked around at his surroundings. He then looked at her. Her face was dirty and wet and had a bright red hue to her cheeks, despite being frozen to the bone. His own body was starting to shiver as he realized they were wet and in a cave. And he was partially undressed. He scanned the ground, as if trying to piece together what had happened. What was going on? "Ben?" His eyes flickered up to her face then. She didn't know what to say after that. She just stared at him, unsure of what to say or how to explain herself. "I..."

"Where am I?" His voice was gentle, wary, cautious.

She frowned at him. "You flew here... yet you don't know where you are?" Ben just stared at her, eyes unsure of what happened. She then noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the utter fatigue radiating from his face. "Ben... what's wrong? You don't seem-"

"Fine. I'm... fine." He went to stand, but caught himself on the wall, sighing in frustration as Rey caught him from falling over onto his face again. Her hand was on his bare chest, shoulder under his arm and other arm wound around his mid back. He looked down at her and averted his glance weakly. "I said I'm fine," he hissed back at her.

"Sure, if falling on your face is fine, then I believe you, 100%." She glared up at him when he glared at her. After a moment, she averted her glance and realized how close she was to him. "We need to start a fire..." she mumbled.

"I need to get back to my ship," he said as he tried to walk again, but his legs weren't working and he almost collapsed again.

Rey caught him and sighed in frustration. "You need to sit down!"

"Why?" he growled back.

Rey paused. "Why are you here, Ben?" Her voice was full of conviction. Full of determination to find out why he was here with her now.

His turn to pause. He didn't know how to answer that. He did, but he didn't want to tell her. "I... I don't know."

"You're a terrible liar, Ben Solo."

Ben frowned at her. He knew he was. "You weren't responding so..." It was so soft, so shy... so cute. He averted his sight, finding more interest in the rocks.

She stayed where she was, eyes searching his face as it took on a slightly redder hue, despite the cold setting in on their skin. From his words, it confirmed her thoughts. He wanted to see her. Was he checking in on her? Was he really that worried about her? The dark circles under his eyes showed her that he wasn't sleeping. How long had it been since he'd slept? She tightened her grip around his waist and gently led him back to a sitting position. He didn't look at her. And that was all right. She lit her saber and used it as a flash light as she ventured deeper into the cave, tossing behind her, "I'm looking for something we can set on fire."

Ben remained silent as he watched her retreat. He felt his jaw quiver at the cold that he was feeling. He wrapped his arms around himself and curled his body to try to get some warmth, but all he could do was think of how much of an idiot he was. She knew his intentions now. It was so easy to be honest around her. Too easy. He hated how he could hide nothing from her. He'd made sure the TIE she took was outfitted with a tracking signal and when that blipped off the map not too long ago, he followed the last known location of it. Which led him here. to Ahch-To. He sighed as he leaned his head back against the rocky wall. He was such an idiot. Why had he been so eager to see her? He closed his eyes let sleep overcome him, finally able to let himself rest peacefully.

Rey had returned not too long afterwards, arms full of wood and tinder that the last dweller had left. It was dry, thankfully. She set to work at making a fire, grabbing two stones and sparking them together to light the fire in the cave. Once it was ignited, she let a victorious smile grace her features. She then turned to Ben and saw that he was sleeping still. He looked so tired... The First Order was not kind to him. He wasn't sleeping. He was stressed out. She could feel his anxiety through their link. And even with him here, his very being was exuding anxiety. She frowned as she watched him sleep, lips slightly parted, hair clinging to his face as it started to dry from the warmth of the fire. She looked outside and saw the rain was still coming down in a torrential downpour, making her sigh. She could easily go to her hut... but with him being as tired as he was, would he be able to come, too? She couldn't drag him all that way.

She sat next to him and curled into herself quietly, watching as the fire ate away the tinder and logs she'd found. She felt herself nodding off, too, her cheek on her knees as she let out one last sigh before drifting off into a deep sleep.

**X~x~x~x~x~X**

Ben awoke a few hours later to a warmth against his side. He turned his head slightly and saw Rey's head on his chest with his arm around her, holding her gently against him. He had to blink himself awake several times, wondering if this was reality or if this was just some kind of weird dream like in the past. He looked at the cave entrance. Still pouring down. He looked at the fire. Still warm. He let his sight drift back to Rey. Definitely real. Why was she so close to him? Wasn't she wary of him? Didn't she not trust him? How did they get into this position? He remembered falling asleep and then... this. He didn't remember much else...

Apparently, he didn't have to wait long for answers because Rey let out a soft sigh as her eyes fluttered open as well. She hesitantly glanced up and saw Ben a few inches from her face. She threw herself into a sitting position, a deep blush on her face. "Right... you feel better?" she asked nervously, avoiding his glance.

Ben didn't know how to answer that. He felt the embarrassment through their bond and couldn't help but grin at her. "Were you comfortable?"

Rey's face turned a deeper shade of red as she indignantly glared at him. "I should ask you! You were the one that was holding me there!"

Ben couldn't help but snicker at her. He averted his glance to look at the fire, a sobering look taking over his masculine features. He looked like he was being torn apart again. "I'm not your enemy, Rey."

Did she just hear him correctly? "Right... you just want to take over the galaxy and rule with your precious First Order, _Supreme Leader,"_ she snarled at him. She saw his face darken then, fist clenching at his side. She felt the anger rolling off of him and through their bond.

"How else will we get any peace? Everyone is so willing to banish and exterminate that which they don't understand. They see the slightest hint of darkness and they're ready to just toss it away like a broken plaything. Is that your definition of peace and order?!" he hissed back at her, eyes hard as they glared at her. She could sense the hurt coming through their bond before he schooled his side to shut her out.

She didn't know what to say to him. "Ben..." she started softly, warmly. Her hand went out to touch his, making him stiffen as he shot his eyes over at her. "There's no excuse for what happened to you. What Master Skywalker did to you was unforgivable. If he'd just given you a chance... maybe you wouldn't be leader of the First Order now..." Her voice held sadness in it, something akin to regret and pity. "But there has to be another way of there being peace. I'm not saying completely destroy the dark side... but don't let it rule you, Ben. Don't extinguish the light."

Ben frowned at her. "You don't understand," he said softly, voice full of hurt and upset.

"Then help me understand, Ben."

He sighed and closed his eyes, reaching out to her with the bond. She hesitated and he opened his eyes, looking over at her at the corner of his eye, flipping his hand to lace his fingers with hers. "I want you to see..." he said quietly.

Rey hesitantly let herself delve into his mind, closing her eyes as she let the bond lure her through the recesses of his mind. She saw the pain he felt from his childhood. Leia and Han arguing about sending him to train with Luke. How Leia was all for it, but Han was highly against it. Leia had won in the end, as she always did. Pushing on, she saw the betrayal and hurt in young Ben's eyes, as if she were looking on from a front row seat, watching it play out as in a theater. Luke raising his saber to kill him, Ben catching him in the act, Luke realizing he'd made a mistake, but the hurt and pain and betrayal too much for young Ben to fathom as he pulled the roof down on them both. The instance with the temple being set on fire, not of his own doing. Snoke... She gasped as she realized just how misunderstood he was. Everyone had assumed that since Luke sensed the darkness welling in him that he had set fire to the temple, when it wasn't him at all. That he'd killed people in his anguish, but he hadn't. How all of this was just attributed to him, all this murder, bloodshed, pain, suffering... loneliness. All of it was given to him, laid at his feet for him to deal with. Alone.

And then there was Snoke, waiting for him to train him. Waiting to snatch him up in all his anguish and misery. Wounds so fresh from the betrayal and resentment people felt for him that Snoke knew Ben was ready to leave behind all the light side had to offer. How his mind was twisted in such a way that it all made sense. Rey was so overwhelmed by Ben's hatred and sadness and loneliness that tears started to fall down her cheeks as her hand tightened around his. She ventured on at his coaxing, mind still reeling from the pain and sorrow he'd been forced to experience at such a young age. She now saw her own face, glaring at him with a misunderstood and misguided hatred as she called him a monster. The pain he felt as he said he was. She felt her heart break when she felt his emotions. How it echoed through his head. He embraced it begrudgingly, accepting it as his only reality. That this was the only way anyone would ever look at him. How _she_ looked at him. How she would only ever look at him. _Monster. You're a monster! Yes, I am. I am a monster. That's all you'll ever see. All anyone ever wants to see._ The words echoed through his head and into hers, ringing like a mantra that threatened to tear her apart.

The bond pulled her deeper into his mind and the echoing stopped. He'd killed Snoke. He'd chosen her over Snoke. He'd held out his hand to her. But she didn't take it. He knew she wouldn't. He tried anyway. It only fueled his loneliness and rejection. Fueled the darkness inside of him. How the only one he ever really cared about... rejected him. He'd given up Snoke for her. But it wasn't enough. There was a sob that left Rey's throat as the vision wobbled in her mind. She felt him pulling away, but she held tight to him through their bond, holding him there. She felt something else, beyond the darkness, beyond the pain. The bond tried to keep her out, but she pushed forward. She only caught a glimpse of it. It was there, in the darkness, shining out as the last bit of light that he had in his dark, dejected mind: _hope._

And then she was out of his mind. She gasped as her eyes flew open, seeing him staring at her, face unreadable as he searched her eyes for any hint as to what she was thinking or feeling. He'd felt her emotions as she sifted through his, but now they couldn't read each other at the moment. Rey just stared at him, not willing to move, not willing to relinquish his hand in hers. He wasn't ready to let go either. "Do you get it now?" he asked, his deep voice reverberating in her chest and dragging a sob from her. Without thinking, she launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck as she buried her face in his neck, clinging to him desperately, as if he'd drift away if she let him go. He hesitantly wrapped his muscled arms around her and held her close, curling around her as tears of his own slid out of his eyes and onto her top.

"You're not a monster," she cried into his neck, fingers lacing in his hair to hold him closer to her. His arm tightened around her back as his own face was buried in her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Ben," she breathed as she let out another sob. Ben simply shook his head, holding tight to her as if she were his lifeline.

And she was. She was the hope that he was holding onto. She was the light that was shining out in the darkness of his mind. He didn't want to pull away. He didn't want her to see him in such a weakened state. To see him so vulnerable. This was a joke. The Supreme Leader, clinging to a scavenger nobody from Jakku, as if his very life depended on her comfort, her presence, her _love_. He refused to accept this reality, but he found he could do nothing to mitigate the pain that was overwhelming him. He felt her place a gentle kiss to his neck and his whole body locked up. "Ben..." she breathed against his neck, gently running her fingers through his damp hair. Her other hand gently cupped his cheek as she pulled back from him. His arms stayed around her, but hung loosely, allowing her to pull away from him. His hair was shielding his face, hoping to whoever was listening that he could school his features before she moved his hair.

No such luck. She reached forward and gently moved the hair from his face, seeing the tear trails and the glassy dark eyes staring back at her like a lost little boy, crying for help. Her eyes held his, relaying the emotions she felt for him. Pity. Sorrow. Comfort. Hope... _love_. "There's still light in you, Ben," she whispered as her thumb caressed his cheek. He just stared at her, unsure when his breathing stopped, but wishing it would start again as his lungs were burning from lack of air. He was so tired of hoping. So tired of wishing for things to get better. And then... as if he didn't want to fuel the light anymore, wanting only to deal in absolutes... he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. Her eyes widened at the contact, but she made no effort to pull away. Her ears were clouded with her racing blood pressure as there was a hum around them from the Force. His arm tightened around her back and her eyes drifted shut, deciding not to fight what she wanted to happen. She leaned into the kiss, sighing in content. Their bond flowed open, releasing emotions and mingling together into one cohesive emotion: _love_. The one thing both of them were seeking, but were never able to obtain from others. The one thing that they were scared to give to another person. And yet, it all made sense to give it to each other and take it from the other.

When Rey pulled away to get some air, she rested her forehead against Ben's, a small smile on her lips as she idly played with his side hairs. He looked up at her, eyes betraying the feelings his face fought so hard to hide. It all made sense now. His life finally had a purpose. He wanted so badly to be with Rey, to forget the First Order and the Resistance. To forget dark and light and just... _exist_. But the reality of the situation hit him like a ton of bricks. They were still enemies, fighting for different sides and ideals. She wouldn't join the dark, nor would he join the light. If she went to the First Order with him, she would be tortured then killed. If he went to the Resistance with her, he would spend the rest of his days in jail, only to be sentenced to death anyway for all the murders he'd committed. They were doomed for failure. They wouldn't be able to be together. His heart ached at that. They couldn't just be. They couldn't just abandon it all and run away. They'd chosen their sides. They'd chosen their allies. They'd chosen... opposite each other. The reality must have hit Rey, too, because she was the one to speak first. "We can't," she whispered sadly, eyes on the brink of shedding more tears.

Ben stayed where he was, knowing it was the truth. "I know," he whispered back, feeling the last bit of light in his mind slowly die out. He didn't want to let it die. He didn't want to give himself completely to the dark side. He was Kylo Ren of the Knights of Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order. All that he was screamed darkness. But he didn't want it to be that way. He made his choices in life and now he was doomed to carry them out. It was too late to turn back. Just as it was too late for Rey to turn back. They were doomed to loneliness. This dyad was a joke. This bond that they shared was just another instrument of torture. Meant to forever torture them, torture him, into thinking that they could ever be anything more than... than this. Whatever this was.

Rey leaned forward again and pressed her lips to his again with as much love and tender affection as she could muster. He returned it with fervor, hand gently cradling the back of her head as she cupped his cheek and pressed herself closer to him. Their words echoed through the bond they shared, not once breaking the kiss they so desperately wanted to cling to. _"We can't do this, Ben."_

_"I know."_

_"Then why are we?"_

_"Do you want to stop?"_

Silence. The kiss intensified as Rey clung tighter to Ben as if her life depended on it. She was now in his lap, curling as close as she possibly could to him as he wrapped his arm around her back, taking in her warmth against his cold skin. _"No. I want to stay like this."_

Ben didn't know what to say then. His mind was racing almost as quickly as his heart. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her the three simple words that he'd never said to anyone else, not even his mother or father. He wanted so desperately to tell them to her, pledging his life to her. But he couldn't. He knew that the day he uttered those words... would be the day Kylo Ren died. The day the First Order died. The day the Knights of Ren died. The day everything he knew ceased to exist. That day...

Was not now.


	2. Cold

**A/N: Well... let's see how much further this goes. It seems impossible for me to write a one-shot nowadays. Oh well. Let's see what fluff we can come up with! R&R! Enjoy!**

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**CAVE**

_Chapter 2: Cold_

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Confusion was swirling through his head as he looked down at the woman sleeping in his arms. It had been hours since she had taken up residence in his lap, clinging to him, trying desperately to get warm. The rain had been relentless during the night. It was so loud that he was surprised she could sleep through it. But then again, he was sure she was used to it having trained here with Luke. The sun was shining now outside, lighting up the cave in just the right way to where it shone in his eyes in an annoying manner. It was as if it were taunting him with light he'd never attain. Taunting him with the light that made his heart ache to the point of wanting to rip it from his chest. Though last night was an eye-opener for Ben, it was also filled with pain and regret.

He'd sensed Rey's affections for him through their shared connection, but she wouldn't bring herself to say it. He couldn't allow himself to say it either. He felt so much for this scavenger that he had to resist it. He wasn't ready. There were too many things that had to be done before he could even think about giving up the First Order. He knew that if someone else were left in charge, it was only a matter of time before they'd find them and hurt Rey. That was the reason Ben had to stick around. He had to make sure that those people were put in their place so they couldn't harm the woman he cared so deeply for.

As he stared out of the mouth of the cave, he sighed to himself. He would have to leave here soon. No doubt there was a mutiny stirring already. He looked down at Rey again, seeing her shiver. Her cheeks were flushed and her breathing had become erratic. Was she struggling to breathe? His brows furrowed as he reached to her forehead with the back of his hand to feel her temperature. She was burning up. He scooped her up in his arms and walked out of the cave, seeing her curl closer to him for warmth. He knew one of them were bound to catch a cold from that downpour last night. It was just sad it was her and not him.

He looked from side to side for his ship. He didn't see it. He frowned. What happened to his ship? Then he saw the markings of something sliding. His eyes widened and his heart sank as he realized where he'd parked his ship. Such an idiot! He sighed in frustration and turned the opposite way, heading toward the village Rey was staying at. He'd seen it in her dreams when he was wrenched from his quarters to her side. All he had done was touch her and he was flung into her mind, into her dream. Training sessions with Luke on Ahch-To. Nightmares of things going terribly wrong. Nightmares of killing Ben and feeling the worst regret ever known to man. He felt the hope surface then. Back then, he'd known that she didn't want to kill him. He didn't want to kill her either.

A few more paces and he made it to the village. He looked around and searched his memory for the hut he'd seen in her dream and went into it, setting her on the bed. He rushed to make a fire with the wood she'd kept in the corner and lit it up to get some warmth. He grabbed blankets and looked around for anything that could be useful. He saw her ration pack over in the corner, a small backpack full of things for the on-the-go scavenger. He searched through the bag and found medicine. He stared at it for a moment. Could he get her to take it? He glanced over his shoulder at her as she made a soft groan of discomfort, flinging the blankets off of her as the back of her hand came to rest on her forehead. He frowned at her. He had to get her fever down. He had to get her out of her wet clothes... His cheeks burned relentlessly at the thought of undressing her. He found some extra clothes in her bag, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. It was such an invasion of privacy. And though they'd kissed and cuddled last night, that was hardly worth going the next step and seeing her naked!

His large hand went over his face, embarrassed at the thought of having to do what he was about to do. He sighed with evident frustration, trying his best to control himself as he walked over to her. Her clothes were still damp and cold. He pressed his lips into a thin line as he sat her up and set to work at undoing her clothes. He was mindful to keep her dignity in tact, covering her with a blanket as he revealed more and more of her body. Now that the top was out of the way, he quickly dressed her in a basic shirt, he supposed was for training. He wasn't going to mess with redoing her breast bindings. He didn't know how it worked, nor did he want her to awaken to see him attempting it. He looked down at her soaked pants and swallowed hard. Ok, Ben... don't look. You got this. He hesitantly reached out, hooking his fingers in the waist band and with a deep breath, pulled them down and off, underwear with it. He slipped her new underwear on her, trying his best not to look as he slid them up her thighs and to her hips. The pants were a little more difficult because she started to squirm. His hand had brushed against her, making her sigh and relax. He realized what he'd done and his head was feeling dizzy beyond compare. He gingerly slipped her pants back on her and settled her back in bed, covering her up.

Once he was done, he sat at the edge of the bed, burying his face in his hands and trying his best to keep from passing out from the dizzying experience. He knew he'd be in for it when she woke up, accusing him of being a pervert or something, but he had to do it so she could get well. He scrubbed his hands over his face, looking at nothing in particular as his elbows rested on his knees. He was so incredibly uncomfortable. He felt terrible. He was having issues restraining himself. He had wanted to look, knowing her to be beautiful already from what he could see of her in a decent setting, but the thought of seeing _all_ of her was such a dizzying thought. He felt the blood rush to his head again, making him groan in discomfort. This woman was going to be the death of him.

He felt a hand on his arm, making him whip his head over to look at her. "Ben..." she breathed softly, clearly struggling.

He grabbed her hand and leaned closer. "Rey... what do you need?"

"Hot..." she whined.

Ben frowned down at her and kissed her forehead, feeling the fever had spiked. He cursed under his breath before he grabbed a corner of the sheet, ripped it off and went out to go find some water. He leaped down the side of the mountain and saw his ship settled there on a ledge, but not in the water. He sighed to himself and figured he'd need to deal with that later. He got the rag wet, wrung it out, and rushed back to Rey, who was sitting up in bed, hand on her forehead and looking dazed. "Rey... you need to lie down," he said as he walked over to her and set a hand on her shoulder.

She looked at him and reached out to him, touching his face gently with a small smile. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his in a feather-light kiss. He felt her pull away a moment later, her eyes finding his, holding a dazed sincerity. "I love you, Ben," she whispered as she closed her eyes and leaned against him. And just like that, she fell asleep.

His hand went over his face again as tears welled in his eyes. He didn't know if it was from shock, embarrassment or happiness, but they were there. This wasn't fair. This whole situation just wasn't fair. She'd said it to him in a dazed stupor and she probably wouldn't even remember. Did she mean it? He chose to shake the thought aside and gently laid her back down on her back. He put the cool rag on her forehead and sat on the floor, back to the bed, knees raised and forearms resting on his knees. He glared at the fire. The words kept repeating in his head, making him groan and throw his head back in frustration. "I want to believe it..." he whispered to no one in particular. Why did he want to believe it so badly? The hope, the light, in his mind was growing brighter. Was there a chance? Was Rey right when she said he would turn? He'd already killed Snoke... that was one step, right? A single tear fell from his eye. This whole situation sucked.

**X~x~x~x~x~X**

Rey awoke the next day to the smell of eggs cooking. She sat up in bed and held her head, feeling a throbbing pain as the rag fell into her lap. She blinked at it for a moment, then looked over to see Ben moving the eggs (from Porgs... sorry!) onto a separate dish. He looked really tired. She watched him for a moment before he realized she was awake. He offered her a small uncomfortable smile before offering the plate to her. She hesitantly took it, moving her legs so he could sit with her on the bed. They ate in silence, neither knowing what to say. Then, without warning, Ben reached his hand out, gently pressing the back of his hand to her forehead. Her face lit up in a dark blush as she stared at him with wide eyes, wondering what on earth he was doing. After a moment, he pulled away and went back to eating. "Your fever is gone," he mumbled as he finished eating quietly. Rey touched her own forehead, as if she could still feel his hand on her skin. It was then that she noticed that her clothes were different. She blinked a few times, trying to get her memories straight, but realizing she couldn't remember how she got changed. He felt her struggling and sighed as he held out his hand. She looked at it curiously. "I'll show you what happened," he said simply, risking a glance over at her to see her considering his hand.

It was a moment later that she put her hand in his. He opened his side of the bond and let her see from his eyes what had happened. Her face heated up when she realized he had dressed her, but from what she could see through his eyes, he was respectful enough to look away. And then she saw her confession to him, making her eyes go wide and her hand snatch away from Ben's as she stared in disbelief. He hesitantly lowered his hand, not daring to look at her. "Ben, I-"

Ben stood abruptly, seeking out his shirt that he'd recovered from his ship. He'd lifted it without much of an issue and set it on level ground. He spent most of the night arranging things to make sure it was in proper working order so he could leave as soon as she was well. And now that time had come. He slipped his black shirt on, grabbing his cloak and paused in the doorway. "Ben, please stay," she whispered to him as she was already throwing the blankets aside to rush over to him. She made it to his side and she gently reached out to touch his arm. "Ben...?" she whispered, fear starting to overwhelm her. She didn't want to lose him again. She didn't want him to go back. She wanted him to stay with her.

"And do what, Rey? Why stay?" he asked her, voice devoid of emotions. He seemed drained. Like he was tired of waging this war within himself.

Rey didn't have an answer. Not a logical one. She could only look up to him, hand on his arm, afraid to let him go. "We could leave it all behind. You said it yourself, didn't you? You told me to let the past die. We can do that here."

Ben looked over at her, eyes full of pain and misery and hope. That hope quickly died out as he grasped the reality of their situation. He leaned down and placed a delicate kiss to her lips. When he pulled away, he stared into her eyes, seeing tears fall from her eyes. "Kill it if you have to," he said as he straightened and turned to leave. Rey felt her heart sink. He was leaving. There was nothing she could do to stop him. He was going to go back to the First Order, her to the Resistance, and these nights on Ahch-To would die. He wanted to kill his past. He didn't want this. He didn't want to be with her. She sank to her knees, arms wrapped around herself as she let grief wash over her, begging him through the bond to come back, to not leave her.

**X~x~x~x~x~X**

Ben felt the pain as he walked out and to his ship. He heard the endless begging through their bond. He knew that if this kept up, he would quickly lose his resolve. He had to go back to the First Order so he could get himself ready to go kill her grandfather. Palpatine needed to die. He couldn't allow her to be with him to be a distraction. All the Sith knew what their enemies' weaknesses were. She was his. He couldn't allow himself to be distracted. He needed to follow through with this. Once Palpatine was gone, he would be able to be with her. He only hoped that she would forgive him. He would go back to the First Order, keep them off of the Resistance's tail while they amassed their troops to go to Exegol. He knew they would find a way. He just had to buy them enough time to do it.

He paused at the ramp to his ship, feeling overwhelming pain wash over him as his heart ached as badly as hers did. He felt her pouring all of her hurt and pain and longing into their bond. He had to kill it for now. He had to break away. It was going to kill him if he didn't. He felt his hand going to his chest, as if holding it would help the pain. He felt his heart breaking at how upset his leaving caused her. She was in so much pain. He seemed so heartless. He only hoped that... she would forgive him. They would see each other again. He knew it.

And when they did... he would be ready to turn for her. Completely.


	3. Change

**A/N: Clarification is needed. I was going to do a scene with Kef Bir, but realized that that was when Rey got the wayfinder to Exegol. And then she went to Ahch-To. So! This chapter was going to be about the battle at Kef Bir, but yeah. Kinda changed my mind when I realized I was going to be going out of order. Either way, I think this will be the last chapter, since I can't exactly go back and do the Kef Bir scene lol TROS needs to hurry up and come out to Disney Plus so I can use it for reference material... Oh, and also... Ben had another ship. I'm going to say his ship was a TIE Fighter because Rey clearly crashed his silencer lol I had to go back and fix chapter 2 so many times it's ridiculous...Anyway! Enjoy! R&R!**

* * *

**CAVE**

_Chapter 3: Change_

* * *

He was so stupid. He wanted so desperately to speak with Rey, to tell her that he had changed his mind about the dark side and the First Order. He wanted so badly to run back to her and take her away from all of this. He just wanted to talk to her. Even if she yelled at him, he wanted to tell her his thoughts. He wanted to tell her that he felt the same about her. That her love was not one-sided. But he couldn't. He sighed as he rushed into the Citadel, blaster in hand as he was prepared to handle business. He followed Rey here. She'd beaten him here. If he had any hope of helping her, he needed to hurry. Any troopers that stood in his way were gunned down. They were stopping him from getting to Rey. They needed to fight together. They were each other's support system. They had to stand up to Palpatine together or they both would fall separately. He rushed past the guards and skidded to a halt when he saw the Knights of Ren. He glared at them all, knowing that he was no longer their leader. Palpatine commanded them now. Which spelled bad news for him. Within a moment, he was disarmed and he was getting the mess beat out of him.

Then he felt their bond. He felt her struggle. Like she had no other choice but to strike down Palpatine. She hesitated as they saw each other in their minds. _"You're not alone, Rey,"_ he said to her privately, nodding at her with the beginnings of a smile. She closed her eyes and passed the saber to him through their bond with a soft, _"Neither are you."_ When he pulled the saber from behind his back, the Knights of Ren remained frozen for a moment. He shrugged at them as if telling them 'ok, let's do it.' The fight was on. Bodies flew through the air, men fell to the ground with a new gaping hole. Ben leaped over and stabbed them from the back. There was such a flurry of emotions as he fought the Knights of Ren, vanquishing his demons one at a time as each of them fell. When they were all gone, he looked briefly at the carnage and found that he accepted it. He rushed to the throne room where Rey was fighting, too.

Soon, he was face-to-face with her and they shared a brief intimate moment, staring at each other and connecting mentally as they turned on Palpatine, sabers blazing, defiance in their eyes. They would win. They had to.

**X~x~x~x~x~X**

Stupid ravine! This wasn't how he imagined winning the fight! Rey needed him and he got himself thrown down a freaking hole! He climbed up, the pain in his body reminding him he'd been injured. But that was the least of his worries. He couldn't feel her. _"Rey!"_ he called through their bond. It found no ears. It just hung there, echoing in his head with nowhere to go. He struggled and limped over to her, desperate to get to her in time. Her body was limp... cold... lifeless. It tore him apart as he looked down at her. She couldn't be gone. She couldn't be! He finally made it to her and cradled her lifeless form in his arms, feeling every bit of his lonely soul crying out to her to return to him. His chest felt uncomfortably tight. He couldn't breathe. How could he when his air had left him? She'd moved on. She wasn't here anymore.

No! Stop it! There had to be something he could do to bring her back! She had healed him when he was impaled by her. That had to be it. He pulled away and held her in his arm, a hand going to her stomach. He knew what he had to do, and he knew he had the strength to do it. A life without her wasn't worth it. He didn't want to be without her. He had to show her that she was his everything. He would gladly lay down his life for her. The world would be better off without Ben, but not without Rey. This world was missing something extraordinary if Rey wasn't in it. He closed his eyes and concentrated, pouring as much of himself as he could into her. He had to bring her back. This had to work. If it didn't, then he would die alongside her. He couldn't be without her. He wouldn't be. _"Please, come back, Rey. I need you. Please, Rey... Please stay with me,"_ he whispered through their bond. It kept repeating. It kept going and going, echoing as if it were a mantra that was used to bring her back to him. He wasn't sure it was working, but he felt his energy leaving him. He was getting really tired. He felt the fatigue start to take over as the will to live started to leave him. He wanted Rey. That was all he wanted in his messed up life. Her. He couldn't be without her... Oh, Force, he couldn't make it!

A warmth laid on his hand and his eyes shot open, his sight landing to her as her eyes started to move, as if searching his face for something. Recognition. She sat up, but he kept his arm around her, hand on her stomach. "Ben," she breathed, a smile coming to her lips.

He couldn't bring himself to speak. His side of the bond they shared blew wide open as all of his happiness, all his joy, all his relief, love, all of it flowed freely, hiding nothing from her. He was so happy she was alive. He felt his lips start to curl as she touched his face, eyes scanning his as if she were searching for the resolve she needed. He just stared back, searching her face as well, hardly able to believe that he saved her. That he, Ben Solo, former leader of the Knights of Ren, was able to save the woman he loved. He had finally done something right in his messed up, sorry excuse for a life. And as if he needed to be any happier, she pressed her lips desperately to his, holding his face in her hands affectionately. His own hand held her behind her head and pulled her closer to him, as if he needed her love to keep him alive. _"I love you so much, Ben,"_ she whispered through their bond as she pulled away to smile at him, a true smile. One that showed genuine happiness.

It was his turn to smile this time. A real smile. It made him look like a boy. He looked so young when he smiled so genuinely. He had nothing to hide from her. He wanted to show her how extremely happy he was, how happy she had made him. He had redeemed himself.

And he wouldn't be around to see the aftermath of it.

He felt his vision start to blur, body starting to give out as he blinked a few times, struggling to stay with her. "Ben?" He couldn't hold on any longer as his eyes shut and his body slumped backwards, Rey catching him in time to keep him from hitting the ground. She was in utter disbelief. He couldn't be... He can't! She screamed at him over their bond as she felt it start to fade. _"Ben, please stay!"_ she begged as she transferred some of her energy into him. She couldn't let him die. Not here. Not like this. She'd finally told him how she felt. She couldn't be alone again! Not without Ben! She begged him over and over again through their bond as she infused more of her life into him. His hand flew up and grabbed her wrist on his side. She lifted her head from its bowed position and saw his eyes open, seemingly in a daze. "Ben!" she cried as she flung herself atop him, nuzzling close to him. "Stupid! You almost died!" she hissed at him, earning a weak chuckle from below her, the deep rumbling reverberating in her ears.

He gently lifted her head to look at him as he smiled weakly at her. "Life without you isn't worth living," he said simply.

His words held so much love that Rey's eyes started to blur from the onslaught of tears. She knew he meant it. He meant every single word. She flung herself at him, pressing her lips to his again, and again, peppering his face with kisses, earning a soft chuckle from Ben. When she was satisfied, she pulled away and smiled down at him. "You can't leave me again, Ben," she whispered, almost begging him to stay.

Ben smiled at her and nodded. "I promise," he whispered, pulling Rey close to him to hold her close, heartbeats mingling into one as he sighed in contentment. "I love you, Rey," he whispered to her, earning a sob from the woman above him.

"I know," she whispered, pressing her lips to his once more.

He was so glad that he changed. That it wasn't too late to redeem himself. That he was able to live to see her like this with him. He didn't care what was next for them. As long as he had her, life was worth living, no matter what happened.

**X~x~x~x~x~X**

**TWO MONTHS LATER...**

"BEN SOLO! GET BACK HERE!" she screamed as she ran after him, down the jagged path away from their little hut. She darted after him, saber in hand, but not ignited, as she darted down the path. Ben continued to run on ahead of her, not once looking back as she called after him. He kept pace, sensing that she was getting closer, but making no moves to lose her. As he ran, he saw his surroundings change to that of where Luke had taken Rey to train her, the same place that Luke has also died at. They affectionately named it "Luke's Rock."

Rey let out an exasperated huff as she saw him stop running. Finally. But his own saver was ignited in a flurry of white. He rounded on her and she ignited her own saber in defense, stopping his strike in time as her foot slid backward to stop her from skidding. She noticed his dark eyes boring into her with some hidden emotion that she had yet to place. He'd been doing this recently. He'd go from normal to broody and completely shut her out from their bond, as if he were hiding something he didn't want her to see. It worried her, but she decided not to push it every time. When she did, this happened. He would run to Luke's Rock and round on her like he had a moment ago and they would engage in a light saber battle until he yielded. Then he would go back to normal and walk back to their home as if nothing happened, leaving Rey to wonder what was happening to him.

"When will you tell me what's going on with you, Ben?" she hissed as she pushed him back with her own yellow saber. Ben said nothing as he went on the offensive again. She put her light saber up defensively, blocking his attacks in time. He was going full force, which was something she hadn't seen him do in quite a while. Each attack was stronger than the first as he continuedto push her back slowly, step by step. She felt her back press against the wall and she felt panic rising in her chest. She felt boxed in and Ben didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. She started to weigh her options. She could Force Push him, but she didn't want to hurt him. But if he continues like this, she didn't know how far he was willing to go. Would he hurt her? He continued to advance quickly and she realized her time was up to think. She raised her hand and pushed with the Force, shoving him backwards. His boots slid against the ground, his hand going down to catch himself as he slid back from the push. He looked up at her from his bent over position, his dark eyes unreadable as he considered what she'd done. She felt the bond wobble a little, barely picking up some amusement that she'd actually pushed him.

He stood from his bent over position then. His eyes were watching her as she stayed posted with her hand out to him from the push, ready to do it again if need be. "Ben, what is wrong with you?" she asked as she tried to regain her breath from the slight exertion.

Ben stood silently, eyes fixated on her as if he were considering his next move. Without warning, he lifted his hand and froze her in place as he had the day they first met. Her eyes widened as she realized what he'd done. He sauntered over to her, eyes trained on her face. She was scared, but something in her told her he wouldn't hurt her. At least she hoped not. She still hadn't gotten a peep out of him. This time was different than all the other times that they'd sparred. He hadn't frozen her all the other times. And he certainly hadn't looked at her as he was now. His eyes held a predatory glint to them, which was different from what she'd seen him look at her with. She couldn't remember him ever looking at her like he was now. Had the darkness reclaimed him? Was Palpatine truly not dead? All these thoughts raced through her head as he stalked closer and closer, each step striking more and more dread into her heart.

He stood before her, eyes trained on her face. Her breath caught in her throat as she smelled his natural scent she loved so much. He stood only a foot away, but she felt his warmth radiating off of his body. He slowly reached his hand out and gently held her cheek, his thumb lovingly caressing her skin. Rey felt a shiver run through her body, which didn't go unnoticed by Ben. "Are you afraid?" he asked gently, his voice deep and level as always.

"No," she breathed out as she continued to search his face for what he was thinking. She partially lied, but she didn't want to tell him that his lack of normalcy was scaring her. She refused to admit that she was scared of the one she loved.

He didn't respond as he let his eyes flick down to her lips briefly before returning to her eyes, as if asking permission as he always did. She had come to appreciate that about him. He never really took liberties with her. He always left the choice up to her. She knew he wanted to and she didn't stop him. He leaned forward quietly and pressed his lips to hers gently, one hand placed affectionately on her cheek as the other snakes around her lithe waist. He released her from her frozen state and she instantly wound her own arms around his neck, leaning into the kiss and returning it for all she was worth.

After a moment of kissing her breathless, Ben pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. She felt his side of the bond open as his eyes invited her in. A smile formed on her lips as she closed her eyes and let him take her on another tour of his mind.

She first saw through his eyes as he watched her sleep peacefully in his arms. She felt worry and concern coming from him at the memory, as if he were stressing about something, but she couldn't figure it out. She wanted to know, but there were no leads as she shifted through the memory. Just as she felt she was getting closer to why, she felt him coaxing her to another memory.

She searched on as she saw him watch her smile at him as she cooked dinner. She felt his happiness, his love, his... hesitation and worry. Her brows creased in confusion as she tried to understand why that was cause for concern. Having no answer, she continued on and watched as he ran out the door, Rey behind him as they raced on down the path to Luke's Rock. That was the first time they battled. She watched as he started his attack, her body dodging all he threw at her. Then she felt his emotions again. She felt his longing, his love, his adoration for her. She felt it all in a flurry of Ben. She felt his deep attachment to her and how the thought of losing her scared him to death. How he couldn't live without her. How he needed her-

She was being pushed along his memories again. She sighed when she realized he was hiding something from her. The closer she got to finding the answer, the more urgently he ushered her along to a different memory and feeling. She looked up at him and saw his eyes, those dark eyes that held so much restraint, yet showed every feeling he had, starting back at her lovingly. She searched his eyes for a long moment, feeling him nod against her to keep going.

She closed her eyes and resumed her search. Another memory of them together. They were laying in bed after bathing in the lake together. She'd told him she loved him and then there was the worry and concern even after he returned the sentiment. She frowned at that. Why was he so concerned? Why the worry? Did he not feel the same anymore? Was he about to leave her? Was that what this was about?!

"Stop," he whispered aloud, making her open her eyes to blink away the tears she didn't realize were forming. His own brows were creased in worry as his other hand went to her face to hold her gently. "Rey, I promised you that I would never leave you again, didn't I?" he asked gently, his tone consoling. She nodded curtly. "This isn't going how I thought it would," he said with an embarrassed chuckle. She eyed him suspiciously then. Feeling her eyes on him, his cheeks started to turn red as he hesitantly released her and pried her arms off of him, holding her hands in his.

"Ben, what-"

Ben gave her a shy smirk. "I promised you I would never leave you again." She didn't interrupt as he tried to find his words. She waited as patiently as she could, despite her fear of what was going on. He looked into her eyes again, his thumbs gently caressing her hands in his. "I've been doing a lot of thinking recently, Rey. About us. About what future we have with everything that's happened. And I've decided," he said as he released her hand to dig into his pocket. As he withdrew the ring she instantly recognized as Leia's, he got down on one knee. She gasped as she felt that familiar hesitation and worry. "Marry me, Rey," he said gently, his voice wavering just a bit as nervousness reared its ugly head.

Rey didn't know what to say. She just stood frozen in place as she looked from his mother's ring to his nervous face. His face held the same expression as it did when he offered her his hand after defeating Snoke together. She knew her silence was tearing him apart. She was trying to formulate something to say, _anything_ at all! Then, without warning, she threw her arms around him and kissed him desperately, shouting through their intimate bond. _"Yes! Yes, Ben!"_

Ben smiled at her through the kiss and wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling her closer. His life was complete. He'd made so many changes since meeting her and he regretted nothing except that he didn't change fast enough to have his parents alive. She pulled away and smiled that smile at him as when she was revived by him on Exegol. He slipped the ring on her finger and she kissed him again. _"I love you, Ben," _ she whispered through the bond.

_"I know," _ he whispered back.


End file.
